Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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