I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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