doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
