You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
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you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you