Tell her she can't have a vagina
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be