I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
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So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
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Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet