can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night