When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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