If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
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From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
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I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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