Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night

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  (248): I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night http://tfl.nu/pm2y
  Replies (5) Good night (1042) Bad night (481) Order T-Shirt
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.

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  (860): I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore. http://tfl.nu/igz1
  Replies (32) Good night (617) Bad night (2983)
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  (415): View more from California

  Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.

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  (415): Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass. http://tfl.nu/ng8b
  Replies (71) Good night (6222) Bad night (804) Order T-Shirt
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"

  (205): View more from Alabama

  pick me up NOW

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  (205): they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve" (205): pick me up NOW http://tfl.nu/weqr
  Replies (17) Good night (1091) Bad night (4569)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?

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  (724): He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl? http://tfl.nu/b3zj
  Replies (12) Good night (729) Bad night (1857) Order T-Shirt
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together

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  (713): Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together http://tfl.nu/dsi2
  Replies (6) Good night (3265) Bad night (560) Order T-Shirt
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  (660): View more from Missouri

  There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK

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  (660): There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK http://tfl.nu/9rna
  Replies (10) Good night (1233) Bad night (2820) Order T-Shirt
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...

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  (727): Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo... http://tfl.nu/pcov
  Replies (13) Good night (2595) Bad night (779) Order T-Shirt
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.

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  (304): I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird. http://tfl.nu/9ztz
  Replies (9) Good night (724) Bad night (2022) Order T-Shirt
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  (817): View more from Texas

  She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis

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  (817): She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis http://tfl.nu/sxjx
  Replies (13) Good night (2486) Bad night (482) Order T-Shirt
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.

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  (410): You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it. http://tfl.nu/i008
  Replies (6) Good night (1354) Bad night (236) Order T-Shirt
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.

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  (913): "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol. http://tfl.nu/3cka
  Replies (6) Good night (1062) Bad night (293)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'

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  (817): I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?' http://tfl.nu/9wvu
  Replies (6) Good night (1109) Bad night (264)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi

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  (321): Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi http://tfl.nu/jeyc
  Replies (3) Good night (367) Bad night (843) Order T-Shirt
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.

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  (937): Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12. http://tfl.nu/tqh0
  Replies (0) Good night (572) Bad night (165) Order T-Shirt

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