Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.