youre lurking in front of me
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
