I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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