NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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