She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
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at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
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On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
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