I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
