Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
