literally had 100 drinks last night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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