Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
