stop calling my apartment porn island.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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