1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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