Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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