What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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