Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
