I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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