There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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