; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.