If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.