So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."