glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
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The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
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Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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