Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
