Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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