his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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