At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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