I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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