Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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