I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
