I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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