I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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