does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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