Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
