i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
