booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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