I think I am morally bankrupt
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.