I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis