I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once