When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
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