I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
