Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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