Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
