she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize