Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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