No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
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Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
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My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
is it fun? or sober?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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