I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize