I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
