Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
