Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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