Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
